The Fear of Falling Behind

What happens when your voice is lying 
But the monologue in your head believes you're not?
A full tank of gas, a million excuses to leave 
A conscience computing a mile a minute, hallucinations of reflections that feel so real to me  
A feeling so insidious, concoct a heart rate, semi-suspicious 
Countless times you’ve told me I’m naive,
But I'm benevolent like no one's business
I took a swig a swallowed the seed 
that roots us into each others sponsors 
I know I used to be naive 
But I risked everything for your wishes 
And I swallowed the seed
‘Cause I'm such a giving tree 

Save your breath, no need to verbalize 
I didn’t need a watch to tell me
It was time to say goodbye
So watered over, were my restless eyes
That blurred the sun to solely yellow lines
Like the ones plastered on the street we grew up on
Where I lost myself to find you here 

Life's been fleeting 
And I'm just understanding
How many lies I'm telling myself
With urgency, I'll sound the alarm of denial if need be 
What kind of person would I’ve become 
To not notice you driving under the influence 
Of old perfume and trapdoors
That you found in the house you’re driving away from, 
Where we outgrew us growing up 

Rarer than a four leaf clover
But more predictable than an element heated to boil over 
And i’m inevitably on guard for these alarms 
For when the red on my shoulder starts taking over
Like the traffic lights that kept us waiting and 
altering the future in mere seconds 
At the intersections of the autumn-stricken acreage we grew up in
Copyright © | Year Posted 2023


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Date: 10/23/2023 10:56:00 AM
This is a poem with deep perspective and seems like a personal one for you.. you expressed it so well..
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Bailey Avatar
Matthew Bailey
Date: 10/23/2023 11:08:00 AM
Thank you! It is very personal. I've always struggled to write about my hometown but I finally like how I expressed it here :)
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