The Fear of Falling Behind

What happens when your voice is lying But the monologue in your head believes you're not? A full tank of gas, a million excuses to leave A conscience computing a mile a minute, hallucinations of reflections that feel so real to me A feeling so insidious, concoct a heart rate, semi-suspicious Countless times you’ve told me I’m naive, But I'm benevolent like no one's business I took a swig a swallowed the seed that roots us into each others sponsors I know I used to be naive But I risked everything for your wishes And I swallowed the seed ‘Cause I'm such a giving tree Save your breath, no need to verbalize I didn’t need a watch to tell me It was time to say goodbye So watered over, were my restless eyes That blurred the sun to solely yellow lines Like the ones plastered on the street we grew up on Where I lost myself to find you here Life's been fleeting And I'm just understanding How many lies I'm telling myself With urgency, I'll sound the alarm of denial if need be What kind of person would I’ve become To not notice you driving under the influence Of old perfume and trapdoors That you found in the house you’re driving away from, Where we outgrew us growing up Rarer than a four leaf clover But more predictable than an element heated to boil over And i’m inevitably on guard for these alarms For when the red on my shoulder starts taking over Like the traffic lights that kept us waiting and altering the future in mere seconds At the intersections of the autumn-stricken acreage we grew up in