The Fear of Falling Behind
What happens when your voice is lying
But the monologue in your head believes you're not?
A full tank of gas, a million excuses to leave
A conscience computing a mile a minute, hallucinations of reflections that feel so real to me
A feeling so insidious, concoct a heart rate, semi-suspicious
Countless times you’ve told me I’m naive,
But I'm benevolent like no one's business
I took a swig a swallowed the seed
that roots us into each others sponsors
I know I used to be naive
But I risked everything for your wishes
And I swallowed the seed
‘Cause I'm such a giving tree
Save your breath, no need to verbalize
I didn’t need a watch to tell me
It was time to say goodbye
So watered over, were my restless eyes
That blurred the sun to solely yellow lines
Like the ones plastered on the street we grew up on
Where I lost myself to find you here
Life's been fleeting
And I'm just understanding
How many lies I'm telling myself
With urgency, I'll sound the alarm of denial if need be
What kind of person would I’ve become
To not notice you driving under the influence
Of old perfume and trapdoors
That you found in the house you’re driving away from,
Where we outgrew us growing up
Rarer than a four leaf clover
But more predictable than an element heated to boil over
And i’m inevitably on guard for these alarms
For when the red on my shoulder starts taking over
Like the traffic lights that kept us waiting and
altering the future in mere seconds
At the intersections of the autumn-stricken acreage we grew up in
Copyright © Matthew Bailey | Year Posted 2023
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