The Face of Depression

A smile so bright that could light up any room, eyes so big and beautiful that show not a glimpse of the pain they have cried through A personality so warm and inviting, pleasing to those all around, laughter so contagious that could pick up anyone who was feeling down Hands so gentle and warm to the touch, reaching out to a tortured soul, a heart so kind and giving, masking the pain that lives deep within, that no one shall ever know A heart broken into that bleeds every day, but is sheltered behind a wall, still believing to see the upside to every situation, no matter how big or small Getting dressed to look beautiful so that you can mask that you don’t feel the same within, and just praying that no one can see through the façade, that you’re only playing pretend Putting one foot in front of the other and moving on as you were told to do, and questioning yourself silently, was it me, or was it you? Living in the darkness, but choosing to be everyone else’s light, giving when you’re not getting, because you know that is what is right Coming home and taking off the disguise, the one that you paint on in the morning to cover the tears you have cried Breathing in and out and screaming into your pillow just for a release, to make something feel the way that you do inside, the way that your body racks with grief Lying there upon your bed and dreaming endlessly, of a past that holds no future, of a dream that will never be Playing the conversations on repeat and listening to that voice you once loved in your head, wishing that you could live in this dreamworld, but you’re stuck in reality instead Pondering every word, searching within these daydreams for a clue, was there something then that I missed, something I didn’t do? Envisioning that it’s your hand that tenderly wipes the tears away, and crying once more when it’s my own hand I feel, because it just doesn’t feel the same Missing you so much that it hurts, more than anything I have ever felt, and wishing for any form of comfort, even in the arms of someone else But then feeling guilty and ashamed because they’re not you, nor will they ever be, and constantly questioning myself why I wasn’t enough, why not me? Looking at my reflection and examining myself as a whole, and wondering what you saw in me to begin with, how did I make you feel whole? Once again picking up the pieces and putting everything back in its rightful place, to go to sleep tonight and dream that I am not a disgrace Waking up feeling the pain and knowing that there is nothing that I can do, but keep moving forward in my life and try to just forget you Once again painting on the disguise to show the world that I am alright, that I am the girl that has no worries and sleeps so soundly every night All the while carrying around this pain and hole deep inside my heart, that you put there long ago when you tore my world apart.