The Enjoyment

on his deathbed he stares up at the ceiling--- a stale, supposedly calming light blue, basks down upon his now disease ridden body & with all the tubes pumping painkillers & poisons into him, he’s finally fallen into submission, giving up the last remnants of resistance to the belief that the doctor’s have been right all along & that this thing is a final determinant--- this thing is going to be what does him in, probably much sooner than he had anticipated. for him, there will be no more trips home, for him, no faces of family or friends will be seen---unless they come to visit of their own accord, rather, these are the pondering hours, possibly days, in which even the gentle clicks & beeps of the machines beside him send his fuzzy mind into a series of stream of consciousness memory waves which connect pieces of his life that he could have swore he had forgotten up until now. each one is burnt on the wall inside his skull, each one comes up like brail neath’ the fingers---translating the minute details of the rising glaring images appearing in his barely awake state, the whole while reminding him of the eons which seemed to stretch themselves out into the years that now have been rolled up into a bundle of fleeting, flashing, seconds. while not all the memories are positive, as the darkness still creeps in, the fact remains that an overall peace takes hold convincing him concretely that there is no more reason at all whatsoever to dwell on those places in his head, those nether regions which brought anguish in the past & dragged on throughout his life, bringing up new pain like the enduring side-effects of a drug---instead, now, the calming blue above begins to morph into a gorgeous lake, one which he went fishing with his father up in the Adirondacks, when the green canoe was filled with the essentials of the day (the bait, cokes, sandwiches & of course, Lay’s sour cream & onion potato chips) & time seemed to stop completely, whilst the two of them shared an afternoon coasting along the quiet waters of a lake which they solely occupied, taking turns rowing & casting out in hopes of a big return.