The Eight Legs of Marriage

Anesthetized, day one, I become her bug caught in the web Asphyxiated, entangled and cursed, numbed to feel no pain It was a Wednesday if I remember when we wed She grew a beard and punished me for breathing I succumbed to her femininity, her tooth It was a pretty one to chew with. That's the truth! It was a Thursday in the second day of Lent It took seconds for my bank account to empty Her power of persuasion left me blank A testament to her awesome empty nest to come Three days into marriage we finally went to bed Precious consumed my brain and everything within it Who needs condoms when you have your condiments Mustard , ketchup, cheese and crackers please When you don't have long to live you snack instead Day four, she put me on a lease to walk outdoors Dogs and cats make better pets than spiders Sentimental to the end she took my soul and sold it I succumb to her because she is my wife Not because she held a butcher knife By day five she grew fat, sprang eight legs Became a nag, that's only natural they say I'm not afraid of anything that screams at me Because she says so I wish six days a week to be united Or at least to live another day intact It is not wise to question honey's facts Seven days in love must be our lucky number Marital bliss numbs me to my knees I survived to kiss the bride another day It must be time to say Good Bye......... Eight days a week I feel the love inside Eight legs wrapped around my spine A tingling sensation, sentimental spider Before I die, before you eat my mind again my love The alimony check is on the table, post dated for your pleasure Don't get pregnant. Use protection For your convenience before I forget I will always be your prey before your friend I pray you don't get indigestion