The dull mean I sit in

Considering the finale Piloting my survival. Anxious thoughts prevent deadly decisions But these decisions have made themselves well-situated. Still, prayers haven’t been answered So I search and seek Until I become conscious of where I am. Idleness is my safest abode I crave it when I leave it And forget it when I drown in it. No thoughts roam here And the troubles do not keep me chained. But I am without knowledge of the world then can I feel safe in my humble, ignorant abode of nothing. This isn't the golden mean But the grey middle ground That only darkens when dipped to either side. It is not death that I seek For death enters a void I cannot know But the detachment from reality and into the dungeons of the unknown.