The Doctor Is a Dead Man Walking

Bob had a special talent That only worked in his men’s store. He had ‘clothing ESP’. He knew what his customers wanted…and more. When customer would come into his store Bob would invariably say, “Hello. I'm Bob. Don’t say a word. I already know what you need today.” And he was always right, Never missed a color, fabric, style or size. He even knew the necessary alterations. Customers couldn’t believe their ears and eyes. Meanwhile, in another part of town, Joe had a pounding, relentless migraine For every minute for more than five years, It had driven him near insane. He’d lost his job to the pain. Then, he lost his wife. He had lost a lot of weight and rarely slept. Yes, his was a miserable life. And, of course, sex was out of the question… Even a little self-abuse. There was nothing left for Joe but pain. He felt his life was of no use. So, Joe went to his doctor. “Doc, please help me end this pain. Give me something to make me sleep And never wake up again.” “You know I can’t assist your suicide.”, Then he looked sad, perhaps ashamed. “I never dreamed it would last five years, But I know how to end the pain.” “You can make it go away?! Tell me, Doc! What’s the word?” “I’ll have to remove your testicles.” Was the last thing that Joe heard. But…when he came to, it struck him. Sex was out of the question anyway; But he might enjoy his meals again, And he could sleep for days. “Please check me in, Doc. This opportunity I cannot shirk.” So, the doctor removed his testicles. He did his very best work. A few days later, Joe waddled along, Headache free and feeling pretty nice; But every attractive woman he saw Reminded him of his sacrifice. He decided it was appropriate To do something nice for himself for a change. So, he went into a travel agency; And a six month cruise he did arrange. As he left the travel agency, He was excited, feeling ready to go; But for such a glorious adventure, He would need new clothes. As he walked along, he saw Bob’s Men's Store. He walked in, only to hear Bob say, “Hello. I’m Bob. Don’t say a word. I already know what you need today.” “How could you know?” asked Joe. “It’s a gift. I don’t know how, but I do. You’ve suffered five years with an ailment, Found relief, so now you’re taking a cruise.” Joe could not believe his ears. How could this stranger possibly know? "You're right! That's amazing! And I'm going to need new clothes." Bob then laid out a fabulous wardrobe All the right colors, fabrics, styles…and each size. Joe was incredibly impressed. He could hardly believe his ears and eyes. “How do you like the wardrobe?” “It’s wonderful!” Bob could see that Joe was pleased. “Now,” said Bob, “What about undergarments; You know…shorts and tees? Let’s see…medium crew neck tees, all cotton. I believe that you prefer white…. And jockey shorts, all cotton…. 34s. Yes, I'm sure that’s right.” Joe beamed, “You’re an amazing talent And I just this second realized, You've laid out this entire wardrobe And only missed one size.” Bob, surprised by his mistake, asked, “Really? What did I miss? I did my best for you.” “Well…you’re right.” said Joe, “I do wear Jockeys, But…well…I wear 32s. “Oh, no!” said Bob with an ugly grimace. “That would be a serious mistake. Thirty-twos will cramp your balls, You’ll get migraine headaches.”