The Death I Romanticize once I Think of You

"With every fiber of my being, my eyes glimpse at my whole life gone avail and unjust; the sacrifice mother had made before birth was certainly not enough, wish I had gone through the flames of North Carolina, my lips stretch and plaster a smile as a ritual to deceive the humans to deceive them into thinking I am the happiest person to walk this earth, to the moon and back I swear I am fine but I put on a mask as the joker and tolerate the darkness to drown me and replenish my insides. My trudges are a glimpse into my whole life gone vivid, chastised with beautiful glory- the flowers spontaneously bloom in our backyard but all of that came to a halt-an end by choice when our loved one signed us away to another planet- another universe. We didn’t seed out there, blossom, sprout even though we should miraculously the rebellion augments and intensifies our adrenaline rush instead of nullifying it and burying all devastation to the soil, to the ground, and never back. In my coffin, shall I accept the peace and sacrifice, or could I accept and tolerate the death of me that lies within? I have lived too much and felt too ill, the ability to read through plastered masks that humanity deceives us with is far too antagonizing and my brain and heart cannot adjust t to hearing, to feel awfully as though your heart was stabbed a dozen times, a dozen as the donut boxes father would replenish and resurrect our happiness with has gone avail- we cannot feel the happiness spurge in our arteries anymore. I’m locked in a case, and I cannot breathe so I have disappeared as the stars have clenched up at the bottom of their despair. Make sure that I feel it all, the way they dropped me, the way they stepped on my bleeding gauze as salt lakes and coaxed oceans, they shroud me with its crimson. Devours me with devotion, my aching hand reaches the stalls and carves away at the frontier of the entryways. I am dying, mourn my death, or nourish it. The flowers were replaced with caskets, the flowers dead yet they steep on it. The walls narrow, the weather drops a thousand degrees Celsius above, the air soaks up my tears with drenched sweat, and the liquor of water moisture over my lips. The death I romanticized remains laudably defeated afterward a glimpse of the stars long gone from within me- quenched like no other I have been blinded by your beauty to see straight- or was it the beauty I chose to aesthetically engrave into my mind? The never-ending torture and battle I have endured between my mind and my soul, my heart that has been already shattered and demolished, stepped and incarcerated upon the steep hills in which I journey throughout- the glass sticks into what it could hold onto, just as I was when your decided to willingly harass me with your fakery of a name and that fakery of a deceiving smile in which I coat over to hide myself from the world- to hide my sentiments in the name to not hurt and drown anybody else within it. You exacerbated the world revolving around me as a solar system- you made the privilege of being alive not a privilege yet a price to pay for the sacrifice made when, I was brought to this world, unjust. And when I would die with it, I’m taking you down with me for withering me away and stripping the last pieces of hope I held for humanity, to be lost in the shadows- with bare feet that engrave into the depths of crimson as the glass demolishes and cuts through the steepness of my bare feet that. And for me to bear the despair that makes me breathe hoarsely and drown myself in the seas of reddened-to-redemption, salted lakes. I’m not desirable, they turn their heads away at my request. My heart bled, when I’m able to distinguish your voice in the lurking shadows of the reddened sea, Everything, Every second, Seems coaxed with impossibilities once I think of you."}