The Day the World Fell Apart
It was unseasonably
warm for Winter
sun shone bright
cool breeze blowing
but not even cold
and I was
just walking
along, not knowing
the world, as we knew it
was about to come apart
Then that piercing scream
ripped through my heart
heart pounding and
pumping, feet
pounding, running
suddenly cold all over
despite warm sunshine
tingling numbness tracing up
my spine, silent shock- unable to
speak for hours (or was it days?)
all the ways my life had changed in that
instant came home to me, cluttering my
mind, unable to find a coherent thought
everything jumbled and caught in the
maze of my brain. Feeling insane to
actually feel relief in this tragic
moment, beyond belief... so
relieved that the world
finally mirrored
what I felt inside
what I had
had to hide for
so long- suddenly set
free, to be sad, to be me
confused, unsmiling, terrified
strangely unified with everyone
else... as they saw reason to feel it
too Looking at me, so small and so
tragic, they had no clue that I had been
this way all along, smiles, laughter, songs
mere smokescreens to disguise, my creative
shield of lies to protect me from their eyes
their penetrating stares, pretending to
care, yet wordlessly whispering their
disapproval of all the things that
were wrong with me, namely
that I could see just who
they are and what
they've done.
But trauma
won, and
allowed my
sadness to take
form, unspoken words
unheard, yet more powerful
than any they could say- helped
me find my way back to truth and
back to me, back to some semblance
of reality... And with or without them
I learned to survive, managed to even
thrive and know it's okay to hurt, or
grieve or cry, especially when you
have good reason- but also when
you don't know a reason at all
just let the tears fall, for your
heart is sometimes smarter
than your head, feeling the
weight of things said or
the damage they've
wrought, things
you thought
you had
forgot
still stored
in your brain
fusty fragments
that remain, still
effect your emotions
your will to get up and
go, the truth cannot be
contained, tamped down
or restrained, but unfettered
must fly free- like birds in the air
swooping down, landing where
needed, like vultures circling
the decay down below, the
truth circles above and
closes in on what
must be cleaned
up, though it's
graphic
abrupt
rottenness
ripped out and
devoured from view
truth clears the carrion
of corruption, leaving only
what's true. And I revel and
delight at this gruesome sight
weary of being the only person
smelling rotten flesh, sickened by
my plight, I welcome this barbarous
bird with all my might Here, my Birdy
come get some! Here, you missed a bite!
So while everyone mourns this broken
world, and thinks I met a tragic fate
I carry on contentedly since my
face matches my inner state
two worlds have come into
alignment, and though
they're broken, yet in
my view- they're now
a more accurate
depiction of
what I find
to be true
Copyright © Rhona Mcferran | Year Posted 2018
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