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The Curse of a Motor Mower

They’re motives of the weekend - they’re a gardener’s saving grace,
buzzing up and down and ‘round and ‘round cleaning up the place.
There’s nothing like the latest smell of a freshly mown down lawn,
once you ease a hiccup which can cause a heap of scorn. 

You can bet your bottom dollar when the clouds build up for rain,
and you want to get the grass cut before it’s raining once again,
that the darn mower will not start, no matter what you try.
When you finally get the mower going - the lawns no longer dry.

I curse and swear with every pull upon that blasted rope.
At least by venting off me spleen it gives some little hope,
but time has come to bite the bullet; I can only take so much.
A new mower’s on me shopping list ‘cause this one’s out of touch.

I’ll give the mower one last chance to drive some bugger mad.
I parked it in the front yard with a twenty-dollar ad,
and just by chance the Vicar who just moved into town
was walking past my home and saw the price I’d written down.

He mentioned that a motor mower is needed at his manse,
and pleading poor he said to me, “Is there any hope or chance,
that you may take a mere ten dollars?” So I helped this Godly man,
but he asked me then to start it, and that wasn’t in me plan.

But God was kind to me this day; I pulled the rope and lo-behold,
the engine rattled into life, and me motor mowers sold.
I might have only got ten bucks, but that’s a tipping fee,
so in retrospect I reckon it’s worth the twenty bucks to me.

I guess it was a week or so; I’m with our dog out on a walk,
and as per normal in the street, I’d often stop and talk.
But one thing caught me eye that wrenched me sinful heart.
The Vicar’s pulling on the mower rope and it wouldn’t start.

Me guilty conscience activated and the guilt is very strong,
so I walked up to the Vicar and asked him what was wrong.
He was sweating; he was red faced; he was more than angry now, 
“I can’t get your blinking mower started - can you tell me how?”

“Of course I can” I said to him, and then he shouted quite upset
“Tell me how to start this thing before I do something I regret!”   
To try and calm the situation in a helpful tone I had me say,
“You have to curse, swear and blaspheme; that’s the only way.”

The glaring Vicar said “I’m not saying never have I swore,
but if I did I have forgotten, for that was years before.”
“Well” I said to the Vicar “What you’re saying might be true,
but you keep pulling on that rope - and it’ll all come back to you.”

Copyright © | Year Posted 2020

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Date: 1/31/2020 3:52:00 PM
This is extremely funny my friend! A FAV for me. Always fiction with a hint of truth or perhaps the other way around. Regardless this is another classic. Well done!......pat
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Lindsay Laurie
Date: 1/31/2020 5:42:00 PM
G'day Pat … not so funny if it's you on the end of that rope. Plenty have broken a toe from kicking a mower - thank you Pat - Lindsay
Date: 1/31/2020 3:56:00 AM
Lawn mowers - what's technology doing about them?! Great poem, Lindsay.
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Lindsay Laurie
Date: 1/31/2020 5:40:00 PM
Hello Beth … don't see so many of those rope pulling disasters these days that always played up when we are in a hurry. Pleased you enjoyed this one Beth - Lindsay
Date: 1/20/2020 8:56:00 PM
LOL.. you could have sold him one of those old lawn mowers that had no rope to pull...the Vicar would have cussed you more (lol) another great rhyming poem and story, Lindsay. Love it! G'day mate!
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Lindsay Laurie
Date: 1/23/2020 6:01:00 PM
G'day Charles … he might have tried to talk me into cutting his lawn for him if that's the case, but he wouldn't have heard me cussing and name calling under my breath. I'm pleased you enjoyed the mower humour Charles - Lindsay
Date: 1/20/2020 9:15:00 AM
Great poem Lindsay. Vicars seem to expect something for nothing, I was selling raffle tickets a couple of years ago for the Greek Hellenic Committee, and our local priest asked for four, they were not cheap either because the prize was a car - so I tore 4 out and wrote his name and telephone number down, then I told him what it would cost him and he said surely you can't expect a poor priest to pay, but thanks for coming to me! Awesome poem Lindsay well penned. Blessings, Jennifer.
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Lindsay Laurie
Date: 1/23/2020 5:58:00 PM
Hello Jennifer … your comment tells a great tale in itself. Perhaps you could that into verse. Thank you once again Jennifer for your support - Lindsay
Date: 1/19/2020 11:13:00 PM
I don't know how you keep coming up with these humorous poems Lindsay. They also always have the best endings. I marvel at your talent my friend! Have a great week! xxoo
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Lindsay Laurie
Date: 1/23/2020 5:53:00 PM
Hello Connie … and I'm thinking the same about other poets including yourself with the poetic work you post. I often say to myself I wish my thoughts could centre on other poetic genres, but they drift away. I'm pleased so many of us have our own style. Thank you Connie my friend - Lindsay
Date: 1/19/2020 1:10:00 PM
hahaha. SO GOOD. you are on a roll, LIndsay. Love this one.
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Lindsay Laurie
Date: 1/23/2020 5:46:00 PM
Hello Andrea … I guess it's so easy to picture this somewhere down a quiet suburban street with rain on the way and the mower refusing to kick into life - thank you Andrea - Lindsay
Date: 1/18/2020 6:32:00 PM
Haha, that is hilarious! Enjoyed.
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Lindsay Laurie
Date: 1/23/2020 5:43:00 PM
Hello M. L. … I'm pleased you enjoyed this story of a naughty motor mower M. L. - Lindsay
Date: 1/17/2020 4:43:00 PM
I laughed and chuckled all the way through every verse! This one is a classic! Aloha! Rico
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Lindsay Laurie
Date: 1/23/2020 5:40:00 PM
G'day Rico … if you laughed and chuckled Rico, then you must know someone cursed by a motor mower - thanks Rico - Lindsay
Date: 1/17/2020 3:42:00 AM
A great story, Lindsay, with a fabulous ending stanza. T.J
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Lindsay Laurie
Date: 1/23/2020 5:38:00 PM
G'day Teppo … pleased that you enjoyed this motor mower verse Teppo. If they start playing up then block your ears - thanks Teppo - Lindsay
Date: 1/17/2020 2:49:00 AM
Haha a cracker Lindsay.
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Lindsay Laurie
Date: 1/23/2020 5:35:00 PM
G'day Tom … anyone who owned a rope pull start mower can relate to this; swearing and all - thanks Tom - Lindsay
Date: 1/16/2020 11:22:00 PM
Good tug and pull, Lindsay. Your superb sense of humor has mowed me down once more! Cheers, Gershon
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Lindsay Laurie
Date: 1/23/2020 5:33:00 PM
Thank you Gershon … these real life incidents with motor mowers can offer great humour. Pleased you enjoyed this one Gershon - Lindsay