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The Cry of Heart

Neither thy face, nor features, lips and eyes Nor it is my yearning for mirth which my heart fries My feet are advancing towards the hangman’s platform O sword of tyranny! It is for thee my heart cries

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Poet Destroyer A

Date: 12/24/2012 9:04:00 PM

Mohammad, Once again, we find ourselves trapped in the Holiday Season. And, hear I am stopping by to say Hi and to wish you a Merry Christmas once again sincerely from my heart. Loving each moment I found comforting here on the soup. Thank you for any comment or support you have offered now or in the past. Love always & forever ~ PD

Andrea Dietrich

Date: 11/5/2012 11:15:00 PM

by the way, it is really difficult to translate to your meaning in a second language. I know it is hard because I did some Spanish poems and had a girl tell me some of my words did not work well in my poem. the other words in this poem are great and the feelings and thoughts here are wonderful. I just realized you had used cries in the last line!!!

Mohammad Yamin
Date: 11/6/2012 5:53:00 PM

At long last, we are back to square one. The issue of word "fries" remains unresolved so it remains un-edited. As I have love and respect for you I will make a last attempt of consulting a good Rhyming Dictionary to see finally a rhyming word even close in meaning of what I am wanting to convey. Changing the rhyme scheme will be a murder of an aesthetically charming Quatrain.

Andrea Dietrich

Date: 11/5/2012 11:11:00 PM

I would send you a soupmail to explain why that word does not work (and yes, I realized you were using it as a verb) but it just is a very unsuitable word. UNfortunately to make a better choice would involve changing your rhyme scheme. I can't think of a word to rhyme with eyes. well, here is a word that might be better but it's not superb: Nor is it my yearning for mirth for which my heart cries. Is that the meaning you had in mind? well, I sure wish I could get soupmail. What is going on??

Andrea Dietrich

Date: 11/5/2012 3:05:00 PM

Except for using fries in line two, this is a really great quatrain, Mohammad. very soulful!

Mohammad Yamin
Date: 11/5/2012 6:38:00 PM

Thanks for your appreciation of my Quatrain. I have noted your disapproval for the use of word "fries" in the second line. Debbie Guzzi was the first to raise this issue. My reply was: "Word 'fries' has not been used as noun. The word, although not the only suitable one to convey my meaning, has been selected for the reason of rhyming. The word has been used in the sense of 'burns'. Believe me French Fries were not remotely in my mind while writing the Quatrain". I hope this satisfies you. If you still feel this word must be replace kindly offer suggestions.

Tiffany Rowe

Date: 10/27/2012 12:19:00 AM

Really great write Mohammad :)

Mohammad Yamin
Date: 11/5/2012 6:13:00 PM

Thanks for your kind appreciation, Tiffany

Richard Palmer

Date: 10/10/2012 6:26:00 PM

great write Mohammad

Mohammad Yamin
Date: 10/13/2012 7:01:00 PM

Thanks Richard for your very kind comment

Harry Horsman

Date: 10/10/2012 10:51:00 AM

i love the sentiment here, Mohammed, so profound, and a pleasure to read...

Audrey Haick

Date: 10/9/2012 11:14:00 AM

Hi Mohammed! It's been a long while but I'm glad I'm back..well almost...I'm still busy but hopefully, soon, I'll have more time to read often, your exceptional poetry! I hope this is not your reality, my friend; and if it is, I pray that all will be well soon. Always, Annalise

Mohammad Yamin
Date: 10/11/2012 12:15:00 PM

Welcome back. Poetrysoup and your readers missed your awesome poetry. Your absence was felt. Now make up for the lost time and give us your best work to read. Thanks for your kind comments. No it is not real. It is a fiction.

Debbie Guzzi

Date: 10/8/2012 5:55:00 PM

comprise, arise, belies..oh please but not [fries] ;) Light & Love

Mohammad Yamin
Date: 10/10/2012 7:36:00 AM

Debbie, You have always been an admirer of my work. There is no problem with the occasional disagreement. Sometimes positive disagreements must be welcomed for better awareness. Here word 'fries' has not been used as noun. The word, although not the only suitable one to convey my meaning, has been selected for the reason of rhyming. The word has been used in the sense of 'burns'. Believe me French Fries were not remotely in my mind while writing the Quatrain. As you have said translating of thoughts from a second language is a tough job. My freind Jo Cookson of England who used to conduct a workshop of authors and poets at the British Council, Lisbon, Portugal once said, "when you write in English, think in English and not in your own language". From that time onward I trained my mind to think in the language I am writing. Love and regards

Debbie Guzzi
Date: 10/9/2012 7:26:00 AM

You have such a hard job translating your thoughts to a second language [I don't even speak more than one language!] You are a very good writer, sometimes I'm too abrupt and rushed. Your use of the word [fries] made me see, what americans call, french fries and I know you didn't want that..very sorry if my too brief comment hurt you..Light & Love