The Crowing Raven

Q, you; you cry, defy call me a liar; open inside, simple design I shout to the sky like a dying firefly See the light flickering incessantly a cosmic wave of energy mingling an incomplete portrait, complete with hair absent face yet gracing sudden pages are i's I dot with eyes within 60 seconds of 60 minutes while 24 hours in inconsistent 365 days that drag on inside 12 months while I'm trapped in an enclosing room filled with desks, walls absent sunlight but fluorescent white of a chalkboard and a cold winter's wind Here it is I sit, creating night on day themed paper letting it be known stars shine during daylight as I draw a line of strayed hearts leading back to me so it can be heard love still exists within me if only presently for love is a fleeting breath without lungs and what my lungs are producing is fleeting breath to ramble What on earth am I saying what point am I trying to get across High school is over, that time is done Two years from torture, one year from tragedy I am home, rebuilding, smiling genuinely Happy, I should be happy right? ecstatic, excited,10 miles high in the air I should be happy right my 7 year mission has been accomplished, completed my very wish come true I should be happy right elated, feeling nothing but positivity I should feel happy right, happy, whatever that means I haven't been happy in so long I don't know what it means nor how it feels my emotions are confused my stomach gains a pit without competitors to fight within it I'm a black hole without reason without knowledge I start the day with impeccability, invincibility, optimistic integrity yet when the sun fades, my face sheds wish I never existed, wish I...wish for sleep but I dread sleep for the nightmares that persist coming for my lost sanity, my bitter psyche to leave me shaken in morning fright Where does my fright lie in permanent dreams I can't escape what kills me that my love of games is what saves me daily my sanctuary away from the world, take that away and what am I I don't even know An inquiry I beg of you to answer what is a crow, what is a raven the difference, the similarities They both take flight with twin midnight colored magic carpets below a pair of beady eyes do they contain malicious content or confusion one bears a Halloween yellow as the other wears a terrible red Jealous of them both, perhaps, but they despise me they take the skies with flight I wish I possessed but they envy me for one has a master it has no knowledge of just fury it can't control itself as the other accompanied Poe as his voice gave way to dust resting in peace he may What of me, I stand tormented and internally conflicted nothing about me is black and white, I'm blank a canvas awaiting color, sky without clouds Standing nowhere I step on what used to be water expecting to drown I stare to the sky expecting to be struck by lightening as I shout to the sky WHY CAN'T I BE HAPPY IS IT MY FAULT OR YOURS WHO TAKES BLAME if there's any blame at all Then they arrive the crow, Familiar, and the raven, Poe the 2nd without hesitation, they come straight for me fear of them pecking out my eyes I close them. daring them to pierce my eyelids shouting 'i'M NOT GOING TO DIE TODAY! ' only to hear my thoughts slip out 'What have I done so wrongly to deserve this' ...breathing in pollen and salt I realize I've been holding my breath with hesitation I open my eyes to find I'm on a bench twixt Familiar and Poe looking out on a blanket of snow and before I could react before the shock lifted from me before fear and anger set in in unison they both rang out 'You...you know...you were my favorite'