The Crab

You wish me to say those words, To love you Surely you mean to win me As I exhale my expostulations Some hidden truth That you think you understand You mean to squeeze out of me Some sacred confession As I engorge your pride With poisonous lies You want me to love you You demand it of me And I pale! I pale at the thought of such a declaration I pale at the past As it stings me every which way I cry out and bleed over it I remember his sweet voice I remember his hands As they held my love Soon all of it was his own All of it was there in his palm He watched it crumble away on him Dead orchids destined for earth's soil They fell away, inevitably And my dust left no blemish You want me to say it still But I pale as I remember The promises he made To me They meant the world And yet, It was I who begged in the end It was I who reached out A planet orbiting a star With no reply With no reaction And he blamed depression He blamed himself And all of life's bustle I let the currents take me My voice drowning in the universe I have grown accustomed to these ghosts Passing through irrevocably Trusting only in themselves Indulging in their pleasures I go through them everyday They only exist Because I scream them And you, the crab Retreat into your shell, Ostensibly wounded by my refusal You save your pincers for another day I will reach inside your core before I say it I will cross ecstacy's shore I will lace my fingers in your softest part And I'll watch your eyes As I find the glimmer where it lies Feb 25, 2018