The Blews

head heavy
in hands
squeezing pounding temples

trapped in a trance
seated in this place
of emptiness and despair

the place that has welcomed
all of my fears and fractures

my heart pounds erratically
my eyes swollen and shot

a hypnotic gaze
into the somber gray
stone tile floor

that I’m sure
is hiding the demons
I have chosen to ignore

the ventilation fan
is loud and deafening
please stop, please stop
for God’s sake!

the churning acid
arouses anxiety in my angry pit

my blurry awakening shameful face
is exposed and shunned

a fading illusion 
of my demand
that I’ve had enough

I’m finally done

what does this vicious cycle
have in store

just like yesterdays
just like tomorrows

“bite the hair”
the temptation to escape
always near

addiction is a seductive liar
that manipulates and deceives

not willing to seek restraint
until every sense of self-worth
is destroyed and torched in fire

my mind twists painfully
in a chaotic frenzy

memories that won’t decompose
a persistent clamor

reliving the bowels
of a drained and disappointed past

the blews persist, 
unyielding in their grip

a lifetime,

of dark and ugly people

of dark and ugly decisions

mind drifts,

to even darker uglier thoughts
Copyright © | Year Posted 2018

Poem

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Rees Avatar
September 9, 2019 at 8:45 AM
A confusing start to the day that doesn’t augur well. Perhaps after the third cup of coffee... ?
Mcferran Avatar
November 30, 2018 at 6:44 PM
I can "feel" this poem on so many levels... I LOVE this so very much!!!! There are too many wonderful lines to mention them all- but one of my very, very favorite parts is your analogy of the concerns beginning to gather "like beach rocks/ posing unhappily/ in east hampton household jars". I seem to gather 'collections' of concerns like that in my head, too! You are simply stunning, my friend! Can't wait to read the rest of this... ;)
Jordan Avatar
December 7, 2018 at 11:45 AM
You are so kind Rhona! I truly appreciate you!!!!
Blown Avatar
November 30, 2018 at 1:07 PM
a good write...you are heard loud and clear...those early morning runs : )
Jordan Avatar
December 7, 2018 at 11:46 AM
Thank you! Need to not spend so much time in that bathroom. I might disappear:)
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