The Ballad of Igor Ivanovsky

In the steppes of central Russia Lives an old theater usher, Igor Ivanovsky is his name. In his youth he had ambition To gain wealth and recognition And be a star on stage and screen, that was his aim. He studied acting, mime, and ballet, And could sing like Rudy Vallee, But from talent scouts he never got a call. There is one thing I ought to mention That I'll now bring to your attention--- He was a mere three feet eleven inches tall. Why it should be no one was knowing, But at age ten he just stopped growing, The doctors guessed it was a phase and it would pass. But as he waited to grow taller, His dreams of fame kept getting smaller. He feared he'd wind up washing cars or pumping gas. But Fate was not yet through with Igor And to help mitigate his rigor, The job as usher came along and saved the day. While it required no special training, Nor was emotionally draining, It was still a kind of show biz…in a way. To movie-goers satisfaction He has become the main attraction As he shows them to their seats with great panache. Now at three score ten and seven Each day is one step nearer heaven, And though not Broadway, dreams like his are hard to quash. He works on Saturdays and Sundays And occasionally Mondays, But does it just for fun and not for wealth or fame. Now throughout all of central Russia There's no more celebrated usher, And Igor Ivanovsky is his name.