The Ballad of Candy
While riding home after having beer, two,
a friend of ours ended up covered in poo.
He was tipsy and feeling quite queasy,
for an old man, he got drunk very easy.
In the back seat waited his wife's favorite dog,
who suddenly landed in his lap like a log.
She started to squirm and whine very strong.
Never did find out why he had taken her along.
His wife said "I think she needs to go potty".
He didn't care, he slurred rather spotty,
"I just want to go home and go to bed".
But, that pup had other ideas in her head.
Louder, the pup whined out her painful cause,
at the window she scratched with her paws.
Still there on the lap of our drunken friend,
one mile from home, he wouldn't give in.
Natural body functions, being as they are,
intensified by the rough ride in the car,
would not be held back, though she tried all she could.
Can you see where this is leading? If not, you should.
Home now in sight, the pup in a panic,
her functions cut loose, with all the organics.
Not just a mere plop of a log, but loose stool.
There our friend sat...in the car...in a pool.
Down the front of his shirt, filling the pocket,
where his cell phone resided. I ain't gonna touch it!
Covering his lap in a sticky black goo,
it even ran down his pants, into his shoe.
He wasn't allowed into his own home.
Stripped out of his clothes, the hose, he was shown.
The pup stood right there just wagging her tail,
as if to say "AHhhhh! I feel very well"
We still laugh at our friends adventure to this day.
But, when we go for pizza, from the beer he stays away.
He no longer rides with the pup in the car,
and the pup, we all panic, when she goes to fart.
Entry for "Pet Sit Panic" contest
Hosted by: Sharon Tideswell
Placement: none
second contest placement: 2nd
*** This is a true story. The pup was a 65 pound Golden Retriever. Think about that
for a bit.
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