The Bad Days

The bad days feel like Clouds over a picnic , fog in the crowd, the spinning ground, people pass like vertical white lines of speeding light, this is vertigo, this is the I can't handle riding that bus today or going to that play ,being afraid to say hey, these are the nights I lay awake and debate on cancelling plans, these are the days when I'm lethargic, the days that feel more like daze, the disappointed friends, the minutes with no ends, thoughts racing, pacing, mental loop, in space I'm gazing, too Bright , too loud , turn of the lights, sit with no sound, the times when voices sound like the cartoon sound effect of womp womp womp, the times if you touch me I'll scream and jump, the sweaty poms, the shaking knees, feelings of dis ease , feel like running out of my skin, nerves awakened , pins and needles, like there's a me in side of me and and shes jumping, she leaves me exhausted and smelling of sweat, the should or shouldn't of regret, this nagging , the forearm itch that is accompanying uncomfortable conversations, the thought war it took to say no, the battle it took to keep a yes as a yes, the grunts in the mornings when I didn't get enough rest, the pressure behind my eyes, the speed felt while waiting in a line, the feeling of impatient eyes on my back while I put my change away at a store, the days of feeling like a Bouie watching people swim when I really want to walk on shore, fluttering in my chest when I am unsure, standing in the door way with a half open door, days when the thoughts are to loud to ignore and I get lost in the haze of it , this is what it's like on the bad days