Matthew Bailey | + Follow Poet |
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The Amber Eye of Tomorrow

It was just a silhouette but it reminds me why I left the spirit box closed 
I felt as though the hand I was holding
Was yours and not my own
In my want to believe
But reality hit me like a train I didnt see through the tunnel 
What happened to my motivational speaker of rationality?
Appearing like a father but acting like a child
When I’m jealous of a person I don’t even want to be 
Throwing my fists in anger 
Are still the same hands that built these walls not that long ago
And writing it out until my wrists cramp 
Unlike now, didn’t work back then 
And only left smudges of messages I wasn’t brave enough to transmit 
from a time that I was happiest and didn't even know it

It's blurry but I thought I saw the motion of your flowing dress saying goodbye,
In my want to believe 
I strive to be unique but sometimes I wished I was poisoned with another 
The idea of hell seems so much better
Knowing we’d all be in it together 
But I’m picking a new struggle to flaunt
This redemption ark is over 
Why do I act like this 
When I’m jealous of a person I don’t even want?

I thought I saw you pacing the floor with your tight pants 
And cheekbones sharper than my pencil tips 
I thought I lost you in the world collapsing 
But I heard your S.O.S drowning in the distress 
through my want to believe 
This is a connection worth rectifying 
Manufacturing ashes from a spark, now dying 
But this was a blessing best at disguising
And I am the only compromise between the red and the white on my shoulders 
I am the bridge between growing bigger and feeling older 
But the playlists that used to beat a pulse so somber,
Are now the ones that I wrap my heart strings around, so tightly knit
from a time that I was happiest and didn't even know it

You're a whiny fuse and I refuse to blow it 
You're telling all the nomads to go home 
It's a parade but anchors don't float
A weight on my chest is what you do the best
I'm feeding the little vampires looking for trouble with every breath
They're telling me to rectify this 
That if cavemen could find a spark then I can too
But you know it's true
I would walk around like I owned the place 
But you owned me and you knew it 
Your hair pulled back and so formidable,
Making even my firmest set boundaries seem invisible 
They're not journal entries,
They're scarlet letters I wasn't brave enough to wear  
You steal the show even when you’re not there
I sacrificed self-control when I felt the strongest 
From a time that I was happiest and didn't even know it

The street lights used to tempt me but now they only threaten me
I lost the plot and the book only thickens
The looks you gave me killed me faster every time 
I forfeited sight for not knowing where my body is hidden 
But no one believes I saw a glimpse of my past self 
In the neighborhood I grew up in 
Never in a memory but always in day dream
My mind is a bridge between moving further and maturing quicker

You are the garden everyone wants to pick from 
With shoulders back to let us know you're not taking  from anyone
My time is over, now you're stealing the show 
I’m the archer hanging up his bow,
A police chief leaving his most tempting files closed 
You're a winning lottery ticket no one paid attention to! 
And i'm a secret written through mirror fog that's asking to be exposed
But I paid attention to you,
I always have and always will 
I've always gotten more than I should out of this 
Everyone else is picking from your garden 
but I'm the one who planted it

Copyright © Matthew Bailey | Year Posted 2023

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