The Abyss

So here I am, once again. Enveloped in the sea of my ever deepening emotion. I continue to block out. Choosing to ignore and numb a lifetime of anguish from emotional pain. My memories are tidal, crashing, crushing waves. Each one tears away another piece of myself. Threatening to expose more truth that I just can't bare to look at. Another layer of trauma added. The newest one, breaking me down. Coz that is just my normal. How can you forget to breath. I pray and I bellow, up and out. To the gods I ask, why won't you just take me out. Always treading the waters, the cruelst pursuits of life. I know not any different. The torment of my feelings, they do masserate every fibre of my being. My thoughts they deepen, permeate this walking nightmare, that is my living state. I just want to close my eyes and fall into the eternal sleep. Because when I sleep I don't think. Every time that I wake. Its further down into the deep. The weight of waking life like barotrauma, a crushing heap. To the vast obyss of death, I beg my soul to keep. Further into the casym, it takes me deeper and deeper down. A slave to Davy Jones and his eternal locker. He laughs at me. Here again I see. Then with a roll of his eyes he asks. Do you still fear death. Yes says I, and once again I float awake. For years I lived in that abysmal state. Then one day something changed. I looked around at the water trying to surround me. A piece of drift wood trawing on its way. I swam to it and I was no longer drowning. I braced myself and engaged for the next new waves. But they didn't come. Now on a life raft that I had made. I some how know the way to break these waves. Years of Storms. I know how to ride this out. The warmth of my inner smile begins to burn. Kindling my soul, you are so ing brave. I see the shore line in the distance and that's where I'm headed. Old Davy J laughs through gusts and blasts, bellowing in the sky. Do you fear death. No, whispers I. I fear no storms, my soul knows the way. For I have survived it all. I did it, and I will continue to do it, in my own very special way.