The 9am Wake Up Call

I realise, well I have known, for some time, that I am just surviving, not enjoying. Not living life but rather scraping my knuckles along the floor. My only goal to make it through the day, to get from one to the next, bonus if I get an hours rest. And oh, how I am tired of living this way – but I know no different. My mask is coming loose – my demons are starting to show. How long have I kept this excuse of an existence, carried on despite the agony, through the pain? I pray God will heal me one day, one day I shall be baptised. I know, in my heart, it is the only thing that could absolve such self loathing, pain, guilt, shame, disease – these my daily strife. But I need to take the first step to heal myself, be honest – remove the mask – give myself a chance. 'For seek and you shall find, knock and the door shall be opened unto you.' Never have these words rung more true. 05.02.2021