That Night
FOR YEARS I TRIED TO
FIND MYSELF IN WORK,
IN THINGS AND BOOZE
WHEN FACED WITH
WRENCHING
DESPERATION I DIDN’T
KNOW THAT I COULD
CHOOSE
I PUT DOWN BOOZE AT
TWENTY NINE AND
THOUGHT I HAD BEEN
SAVED
BUT THINGS WERE
STILL MY GOD AT
HEART THOUGH I
THOUGHT I HAD IT
MADE
MY LIFE AROUND ME
MUCH IMPROVED NOW
SOBER I HAD A CHANCE
BUT WITH MY HEART SO
DESPERATE FOR AN
ANSWER I NEVER
LEARNED TO DANCE
AT FORTY THREE I
PICKED UP BOOZE
AGAIN AND MY THINGS
COULD NOT SUSTAIN ME
BOOZE NO LONGER
NUMBED THE PAIN AND
THAT AWARENESS HAD
NOT FREED ME
FROM MYSELF I TRIED
TO GET AWAY FROM THE
SHAME AND GUILT
AND FOUND LITTLE
PURPOSE TO BE AT
ALL, TO SURVIVE, TO
HAVE THE WILL
I PUT DOWN BOOZE AT
FORTY SEVEN AND
THOUGHT I HAD BEEN
SAVED
BUT THINGS WERE
STILL MY GOD AT
HEART THOUGH I
THOUGHT I HADE IT
MADE
FOR YEARS TO COME
I’D LOSE IT ALL AND
WONDER WHAT WENT
WRONG
AND SING TO MYSELF
SO I COULD HEAR MY
SAD, LAMENTING SONG
O’ PITY ME I HAVE IT
ROUGH I USED TO HAVE
IT ALL
I USED TO BE
SOMEBODY ONCE LONG
BEFORE THE FALL
MY SONG TURNED INTO
POETRY WHICH I USED
TO ASK FOR HELP
AND WITHOUT THINKING
I HAD TO WRITE WHAT
IT WAS I REALLY FELT
A LONGING IN MY
HEART THAT I RECALL
WAS ALWAYS THERE
TO KNOW MYSELF AND
BE WITH HIM VOID OF
ANY FEAR
AND THROUGH HIS
GRACE I FOUND MY
VOICE-OH SECRETS I
WOULD TELL
THROUGH WRITING
POETRY I FOUND THAT
I WAS BECOMING WELL
THE WORDS UNLOCKED A
PLACE INSIDE I
ALWAYS FEARED TO GO
BUT NOW WITH EACH
EXPRESSION I FEEL MY
SPIRIT GROW
THERE ARE LESSONS I
STILL NEED TO LEARN
AND LESSONS I WILL
TEACH
AS I LISTEN TO THE
STILLNESS OF GOD I
AM WELL WITHIN HIS
REACH
I PUT DOWN ALL THE
THINGS THAT CONTINUE
TO GET IN MY WAY
AT FIFTY GOD RESTS
IN MY HEART I KNOW I
HAVE BEEN SAVED
I HAD TO LEARN THAT
LIFE IS NOT THOUGHTS
BUT THE ESSENCE OF
WHAT IS FELT
THE ANSWER CAME TO
ME SUDDENLY THAT
NIGHT I FINALLY
KNELT.
8-10-14
Copyright © Christine Costello | Year Posted 2014
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