Thank You, But

spoken … “you taught me … that I could trust a man” wow … please, don’t get me wrong, it was seriously one of the most special things anyone has ever said to me, and I did NOT take it for granted … it’s power and import still affect me, in a very good way, because I knew all that it meant to YOU - I knew all the incredibly high and formidable walls that needed to crumble before that became a reality - barriers than many people NEVER get beyond … ramparts that separate a soul from an abyss they might never return from - a darkness, impenetrable … so … I know what an important and priceless sentiment that was - what a very sobering truth it represented, and it will ALWAYS be a rare and precious gift that I value - a nugget of gold in my pocket that I will take out and polish whenever the shadows threaten to swallow me - whenever the monkey bites my back, or when loneliness stretches my twilight into a limitless ocean of night - an ocean, cold and deep and unswimmable … it will be one of those treasures that shines me through, and reminds me what is truly of worth in this life … however, (and I sincerely hate that there’s a caveat to this), it is a blade with two edges, each as honed and true and fierce as the other, and that other margin is the bare and brutal realization, that no matter how inestimable and dear and honest that statement WAS - no matter how many amazing connections and core similarities we had, no matter how divine and inexpressibly tender a love we made, or how deep and true and soul-reaching a passion we shared, it didn’t, in all its strength and verity and sway, guarantee me … you.