Thank You, But

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spoken …

“you taught me  …
that I could trust a man”
wow …
please, don’t get me wrong,
it was seriously one of
the most special things anyone has
ever said to me,
and I did NOT take it for granted …
it’s power and import still affect me,
in a very good way,
because I knew all that it meant to YOU -
I knew all the incredibly
high and formidable walls that
needed to crumble
before that became a reality -
barriers than many people NEVER
get beyond …
ramparts that separate a soul from
an abyss they might never return from -
a darkness, impenetrable …

so …
I know what an important and
priceless sentiment that was -
what a very sobering truth it represented,
and it will ALWAYS be a
rare and precious gift that I value -
a nugget of gold in my
pocket that I will take out and
polish whenever the shadows threaten
to swallow me -
whenever the monkey bites my back,
or when loneliness stretches my twilight
into a limitless ocean of night -
an ocean, cold and
deep and unswimmable …
it will be one of those
treasures that shines me through,
and reminds me what is truly
of worth in this life …

however,
(and I sincerely hate that there’s
a caveat to this),
it is a blade with two edges,
each as honed and
true and fierce as the other,
and that other margin is the bare and
brutal realization,
that no matter how inestimable
and dear and honest that
statement WAS -
no matter how many amazing connections and core similarities we had,
no matter how divine and
inexpressibly tender a love we made,
or how deep and true and
soul-reaching a passion we shared,
it didn’t, in all its
strength and verity and sway,
guarantee me …

you.

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