Ted the Tortoise
Ted the Tortoise told his wife he’ll nip around the block
She said if you nipped anywhere it would be quite a shock
He said I’ve got a skateboard with a power-pack on board
It’s not the latest model but the best I could afford
He sped out of his garden where his son had made a camp
He gave his son a wave and so he didn’t see the ramp
To find his son some candy Ted the Tortoise checked his pocket
And then he hit the ramp at speed and took off like a rocket
At fifty feet above the ground he clung on really tight
He couldn’t slow the skateboard down but tried with all his might
He flew on past an aeroplane; the Captain got a fright
It isn’t often that you see a tortoise taking flight
Ted the Tortoise tried to make his skateboard turn about
But wasn’t very happy when it’s power-pack cut out
He absolutely knew that what goes up must then come down
And coming down gave Ted the Tortoise quite a worried frown
Now when a tortoise flaps his arms he’s bound to look absurd
And Ted the Tortoise knew there’d never been a Tortoise bird
He’d heard of ‘raining cats and dogs’ but not a tortoise shower
And Ted was raining downwards at a hundred miles an hour
The captain of the aeroplane had doubted what he’d seen
He’d turned the plane around and had a good look through the screen
He saw a flying tortoise, well at least that’s how it seemed
You can’t just stop an aeroplane, so Ted the Tortoise screamed
He bounced right off the aeroplane and got an awful fright
His skateboard shot off to the left but he went to the right
But Ted had worn his shorts and wasn’t in his birthday suit
So he slipped out of his shell and used it as a parachute
As he fell the ‘para-shell’ slowed Ted the Tortoise down
He headed for the market in the centre of the town
Where Rodent Rob and Jackdaw Jack were stealing cakes and bread
Till Ted the Tortoise landed right on Jack the Jackdaw’s head
Rodent Rob ran off with lots of cakes inside his sack
And was flattened by a skateboard with a heavy power-pack
PC Hog arrested Rodent Rob and Jackdaw Jack
And everybody patted Ted the Tortoise on the back
So Ted the Tortoise got home late and told his lady wife
I’ve had the most amazing day of my entire life
I flew into the sky, bounced off a plane and caught some crooks
It seems I’m very likely to get in the history books
I’m only still alive because the height from which I fell
Meant I had to make a parachute out of my shell
The town called me a hero and they took me for a beer
Mrs Tortoise shrugged and said of course they did my dear
Copyright © Terry Flood | Year Posted 2022
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