Tears of Failure
The grace, the flow, the singing vibrations.
I'm ready, I'm ready to pull my bow across the river of time.
Time that steadies the flow of these rippling musical notes of mine.
I'm ready to connect with an extravagant classical insturment.
To be one with a delicate and delightful viola.
I'm nervous and shy, for playing in front of someone feels like I'm exposing my inner self through my third eye. I release my self and put my soal into my gracfully flowing fingers, in hopes that they don't deceive me and unintendedly linger. I trust in my abilities as a musician and let my viola sing. Sing for me, and spread my talent and soal, thoughout my music. I stead myself and let the time engulf me, for I am fixed and doing my very best.
As the time drawls to an end, I send my last note and let it linger in the air.
I leave knowing I did my very best, but will that be good enough to get where I want to be? Am I truly talented, is this meant for me? All I can do now is hope for the best and have confident in myself. If putting your heart and soal into something isn't the best, than I don't know what is.
After much stress, I get to know if I achieved my goal. It turns out that I wasn't able to achieve that goal after all and now I'm sad. Sad that my very best wasn't good enough, sad that this is the first time that I haven't reached my goal in music. Everyone else passed and moved on, but not I. I who works myself hard and long to secced in my goals, was turned down. I who comes to class on time, sits up straight, and practices at night on the weekends until late. None of this was good enough, or maybe I'm not as talented like I thought I was.
Warm, wet, tears stream down my face and seep into my skin.
Many things cross my mind this is one I can't simply mend. Should I give up and end? Am I not fit to be a musician? My heart aches to know the truth, to know what I did wrong, but I'm not strong, too afrade to ask. Instead, I cover my deep blue eyes with these small hands of mine. I weep. My brain says to give up, that I'm not good enough, while my heart tells me to keep going, that I have spent too much time, loving and caring for my viola and music of mine. Everyone and thing is putting me down?
I'm truly lost and crying tears, tears of failure so dear........
Copyright © Amanda Lytton | Year Posted 2012
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