Tea With Bigfoot

Well! How ya doin' ? Come on in, the door ain't got no lock, and let me help you sit right down before you die of shock. Yes, home for me is this Big Leaf Maple, bijou but it's alright, not increased in value but it's sure increased in height. Carved myself a second floor and when the sap had hardened hung wallpaper in vintage flock I got from 'Home and Garden'. Mossy carpet- not ideal, it's just the roof keeps leaking and no point in having windows, with the way this place keeps creaking. I see you like my shoe collection; Valentino, Choo, Louboutin, 'fraid I haven't bought them, they're from cabins I've been looting. Impractical for this terrain, the heels snap at the back, so outdoors I wear furry UGGS, they leave much better tracks. My make-up table's basic, yeah, I'm really no trailblazer got just a tub of Bison dung, a flea comb and a razor. Diet? I'm an Omnivore, I hope that you approve, berries, shoots and Hazelnuts, and anything that moves. Card table leaning on the wall, I use for Solitaire which probably explains why you're sat on the only chair. Don't socialize much, not at all, it's due to all the hype and guys with crossbows, guns and cameras really aren't my type. I've scanned lonely hearts classifieds there's not one that I've missed but if you read their profiles,well- I'm not sure they exist. Don't get me wrong, I've got some pals, Ol' Nessie keeps in touch but crossing the Atlantic's tough she doesn't do it much. Yeti is still thriving in the mountains of Tibet, I saw him once on cable- no, I haven't met him yet. We three through all controversy and media storms we've weathered content to dwell in hearts and minds in legend, and forever. So thanks for calling, loved our chat and so I'll say goodnight, and should somebody ask you, hey: you haven't seen me. Right?