Tea With Bigfoot
Well! How ya doin' ? Come on in,
the door ain't got no lock,
and let me help you sit right down
before you die of shock.
Yes, home for me is this Big Leaf Maple,
bijou but it's alright,
not increased in value but
it's sure increased in height.
Carved myself a second floor and
when the sap had hardened
hung wallpaper in vintage flock
I got from 'Home and Garden'.
Mossy carpet- not ideal,
it's just the roof keeps leaking
and no point in having windows, with
the way this place keeps creaking.
I see you like my shoe collection;
Valentino, Choo, Louboutin,
'fraid I haven't bought them, they're
from cabins I've been looting.
Impractical for this terrain, the heels snap
at the back,
so outdoors I wear furry UGGS, they leave
much better tracks.
My make-up table's basic, yeah,
I'm really no trailblazer
got just a tub of Bison dung, a flea comb
and a razor.
Diet? I'm an Omnivore, I hope that you approve,
berries, shoots and Hazelnuts, and
anything that moves.
Card table leaning on the wall, I use
for Solitaire
which probably explains why you're sat on the only chair.
Don't socialize much, not at all,
it's due to all the hype
and guys with crossbows, guns and cameras
really aren't my type.
I've scanned lonely hearts classifieds
there's not one that I've missed
but if you read their profiles,well-
I'm not sure they exist.
Don't get me wrong, I've got some pals,
Ol' Nessie keeps in touch
but crossing the Atlantic's tough
she doesn't do it much.
Yeti is still thriving in the mountains of Tibet,
I saw him once on cable- no, I haven't met him yet.
We three through all controversy
and media storms we've weathered
content to dwell in hearts and minds
in legend, and forever.
So thanks for calling, loved our chat
and so I'll say goodnight,
and should somebody ask you, hey:
you haven't seen me. Right?
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