Suicide

Suicide, suicide was never really a serious topic for me until I tried to commit suicide. I always felt bad but never really thought too hard about it when people talked about it. And losing people to it—it wasn’t until I tried for the first time that I understood why. I always understood why people do it because you feel so hopeless that they want it to go away. That you want to feel better so bad, you just want to get out of your head. You don’t do it to be selfish; you don’t do it to hurt people, most of the time. You do it in honor of others; you think about how they would be better off without you. You do it because the world will be better than you; you have to be hopeless to getto that point in time, to want to do something like that The world feels like it’s crashing down on you and you can’t breathe, and the only way out is to get away from the world, and the only way is to commit suicide. I did it the first time as a moment kind of thing; I was upset, and I just did it. It was 2021; I was about 2 weeks away from turning 12 years old. I picked up a bottle of iron pills and took two handfuls of them with a glass of cold water. I didn’t know what I was doing; I didn’t know how to OD. I just kinda did it, it made me feel like the walls are closing in on you It feels like hell and back like someone sucked out your soul and told you The only way to fix it is to get away, from the world, forever And that hurts to think about leaving everyone and everything behind But it hurts more when you’re stuck in your brain and stuck in a big dark hole A hole you can’t crawl out of or anything, you just have to pray that there will be a light And sometimes, there isn’t, there’s only that dark hole you just sit in It’s lonely in the hole and just so dark, it makes you feel empty and want to cry The hole is pretty dark, I’ve managed to crawl out of it many times but it always sneaks up on me