Suicidal Notes

Do you sometimes wonder about your self identity seen through your lens for suicidal risk as opportunity? It interests me that this lens evolves as we age. In later adolescence, we often look in the face of transition from good nutritional outcomes on a small stage about to enter more competitively sharkish waters within a significantly larger landscape. Or so I focused my lens in my younger lack-time of wonder. Not sure why or how these same transitions did not also apply to nearly all those nonsuicidal 18-24 year olds, enjoying a more Positive Psychology. But now, in later adulthood, I more often look in the face of a potential suicide as one with at best mediocre outcomes on a too-small stage, often familial, or lack thereof, about to enter no stage at all, thinking maybe why postpone this mortal inevitability of decay and disappearance. From younger suicides, "What would be the point of continuing this WinLose Game, when we all feel RealTime drill, you never clearly win until you stop losing, and you never stop losing, until you stop playing. Clearly I am about to lose what I don't feel all that great about ever having won at others' expense." From older suicides, "What was the point of taking so long to end this rigged Lose to Lose death-effacing game called life?" It feels like these despair and suffering questions co-arise within exponentially more of us, asking echoing silos as our monopolistic Earth moves into a new evolutionary revolt. Given the now nearly inevitable demise of our polyculturally and climatically climaxing exterior and interior lenses of healthy hope v. toxic pathological and monocultural decline of ecological and economic and political balance, how do we know we are more than an overpopulating parasitic blight riding Earth's mortuary-in-waiting where Elders remind was once a healthy regenerative place to continue love living? Yet it is so important to notice not only all despairing souls jumping off roofs but also healthfully repairing spirits building polyculturally positive-deviant landscapes of organic and synergetic opportunity, cooperative networks of resonant resolve sounding Time's dipolar appositional issues of despair as opportunities to repair, still seeking reasonable undeviating hope for shared kindness vocations, with WinWin reiterating integrity between Earth's adaption and humane adoption, within history's proposal and culture's co-evolving disposal. No ego is autonomously responsible for feelings or thoughts, ideation or even beliefs. So it is no one's right to judge feelings, our own feelings, the feelings-beliefs-ideas of others as unacceptable or somehow cosmically dysfunctional, condemning or worthy of global applause, taking all we have been given far too personally, too unrealistically removed from comparative and nuancing context to discern how we might choose to carry on. It is our responsibility and opportunity, personally, and as a species, to notice trends of suffering and despair, compared to trends of multisystemic health diversity, polycultural density of nurturing choices, ranges of harmonic freedom and wealthy cultural balance, as they appear to reflect and not reflect our shared experience to date. Not to judge and condemn failures and despair, but to praise our most trauma-informed successes and love for equitably accessible hope to include all Earth's cooperative economy among our emerging synergetic Tribe of actively curious interests.