Such a Quandary

To get the big prize I have to die I can get myself there rapidly or die a slow painful death. It’s my choice; my parents did not choose wisely. They both had lingering, sad, painful “I want to die” deaths. Unfortunately, by the time they got there There was nothing they can do about it. Heaven is the prize right? If I off myself, some people think I will not make it. I will go to the frying pan place instead. Not being super sure about it, I consider it. Part of me knows if I get older and infirmed My children will resolutely keep me alive even though I feel dead. I do not want that! To go now or to wait and see That is the question. And what if there is no heaven? Is being a particle of dust in the air the prize? Will a cat or dog chase me at least when that happens? Such a quandary.