Struggling For Exception

In the 8th grade, I realized something
I was overweight
Fat 
And in my eyes unattractive
So I started starving myself 
Me a 13-year-old starving so that I could be skinny
Pretty
Successful
Loved
That's what I assumed you needed
I thought that wearing a size 18 in dresses was a disgrace
I felt disgusting
I felt like nobody would ever love me
Because of I overweight
When I hit my freshman year in high school I had dropped two dress sizes
And joined choir not only for my love of singing
But because I knew singing for an hour would bring you down 100 calories
And that dancing would bring you down more
I was losing weight I was happy 
But felt weak feeling dizzy from the lack of food in my system
Sophomore year of high school I was passing out
And having bad stomach pains
But I continued
Because my efforts got me a boyfriend
And I went down 3-4 dress sizes
Things were great but I was not skinny enough
By my senior year of high school, I was a size 9 in pants 
Feeling weak dizzy sick and unloved  
I continued and struggle to this day 
I want to love my body 
I want to love myself
As much as others have said they loved me
But it's hard because I am surrounded by beautiful women
All of varying sizes big and small but the media tells me small is what I should be
To be attractive to be successful to be loved 
I fight now against a habit I have had for years 
Finally willing to give it up
Because I know that its what is on the inside that counts 
Not whats on the outside 
And if someone judges you on your looks before getting to know you 
You don't need them anyway
We are all beautiful in our own way
We as a population just need to realize that

Copyright © Ariel Davis | Year Posted 2018

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