Strokes While Forgiving My Regret

She called me her angel A week before she died I didn't see beyond the mask I only heard my own sigh Her cry was lost Like her ashes now The wind of fortune and future and change Blew her away But my memory is the deep pool she swims in And we are angels together Getting our wings wet I loved her and she knew this well I refuse to believe she fell Heaven Would be shallow indeed Without the girl that first wrote BFF to me I did not save her I let her be Praying that the Lord would see The beauty and purity and the natural face She showed to me I accepted her as she was And wish she was still here To hug I love her Her spirit bright But when I dream of her at night She is alive Laughing Her death All a cruel cruel joke But I'll forgive her If she'll forgive me. God knew her better And only He knows who we will see Walking in His Paradise Suicide is a mortal/moral sin Not trusting God is an insult to Him Explain it to me Is it like drowning Never coming up for air Forced to suffer with no light Cold and dark and agony Until a bullet or a blade Is the friendly fire of sweet release? I've been there But I tread water I doggy paddle when I am too weak to do the breast stroke I grasp the lifelines around me Or I create my own I don't give up I want to go home But I'll wait impatiently For God to call me Until then I'll plant my seeds And enjoy the sweet cleansing power of the holy rain Maybe I'll learn to do the Butterfly Stroke