Stream of Consciousness

I have never tried sauerkraut the name sounds as gross as the smell. Mother used to love it, her love of all bitter ideas, frankly that's her ruin: the annoyance of a woman who sees the best in all. That's why I hate most everything: still, we aren't so different. Oddly enough Dad thinks I'm just like him - which I am. our arguments are the worst; I clash more with mother though.Two strong-willed parents make an uneasy child, nerves and anxiety creating a false illness to live with forever. I am not a child anymore, I need to grow and develop myself. That's not even possible. I'm a mirror: what I see is what I am. What is put in front of me becomes me, flipped around in my own construed way. I was just like my parents, then my sisters, then my friends. Now I should be happy to be purely myself. The fear of who I might be holds me back. What if I disappoint myself, and deep down I am evil, dark, and secretive? Worse yet, what if I am plain and boring. My sense of superiority will crack, and self-doubt will seep in, and like a drug take over my life. That smell is disgusting. 
Copyright © | Year Posted 2015


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Date: 10/23/2015 3:16:00 PM
Hi Courtney: Beautiful narrative about self. If you live long enough you will evolve along with your poetry and surprise yourself every year. Have good and bad relationships.... than judge yourself.
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Date: 10/20/2015 7:56:00 PM
Welcome, Courtney. Plain and boring are better than evil and dark, but I'm sure none of those adjectives describe the real you. Keep writing and you'll find out... and so will we see who you are. Don't be afraid to keep searching, for that would be the biggest disappointment. ~ Lin ~
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Date: 9/26/2015 7:33:00 AM
An interesting line of thought, and the curiosity of who we are and where we come from.
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Date: 9/26/2015 6:22:00 AM
Before I forget change clas to clash. I found the verse very interesting, as poets we are in constant search of ourselves. I suspect you already have a good deal of knowledge on the subject of self. Welcome to the soup.
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Thorstein Avatar
Courtney Thorstein
Date: 9/26/2015 7:16:00 PM
Thanks for the welcome! And for clueing me into my error! It's fixed now! And the subject of self is ever growing and changing.
Date: 9/26/2015 6:03:00 AM
Welcome, Courtney! I'm certain that the real you will be revealed piece by piece as your scribblings increase in number and by type. I look forward to meeting you; line by line ... ;)
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Thorstein Avatar
Courtney Thorstein
Date: 9/26/2015 6:13:00 AM
Thank you Bill! I'm not so versed on the technical aspects of poetry, so I still have a great deal of learning to do!
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