Spouse Sets Obstacle Course Endangering My Life and Limb

While sidestepping impediments, Achilles heel stricken with paralyzing zap chronically inducing captain klutz to bemoan and yap, i.e. (think) booby trap strategically laid down by the missus - necessitating yours truly to patschke with marauder map in an to circumvent and handicap becoming lame and crippled for life essentially rendering me totally tubular pathetic non-ambulatory chap. Aforesaid dangerous tripping hazard, the spouse I do calmly berate causing me being waylaid for very important date and/or additionally hurrying to forestall bowel movement, viz urgent incommodious fate mine impromptu tanglefoot (feet) dance step doth ineluctably foment hate. Ready to lash out courtesy sanity claws meanwhile thee wife burst out with guffaws me cursing Sir Isaac Newton's gravitational laws one infuriated husband our marital covenant, he swiftly redraws subsequently divorce sputters thru clenched jaws underscoring how feigned wedded bliss (actually shotgun marriage) replete with many flaws e'er since chance encounter regarding future maternal cause deux daughters we begat packed their bags at tender age, and left home without pause. All these approximate two score plus oddly even years avoiding precarious hazardous risks wears heavily reinforced steel tipped crampon tricked out boots, which rugged footwear eventually tears, though they outlasted lifetime predicted on advertisements and follow up customer satisfaction questionnaires as satisfied survivor traversing harrowing riddled landscapes, I feel adequately trained to join most hardy (doubting thomas) mountaineers, especially those with surname Reznick livingsocial, snapchatting, and twittering in Switzerland possibly linkedin with Harris heirs this wordsmith conclusively blares. I non-jokingly attest - above recounted spectacle no humorous avail, thereby true love moost prevail when wife leaves mayhem and bedlam nothing boot trail of destruction without fail excellent preparation if/when purblind poetic papa needs to learn Braille.