Speculate

So nearly a month has gone by, apart from each other in the blink on an eye. Has anything changed between us? Our wounded hearts laden with puss. A fatal infection with only one logical treatment, yet all attempts on my part have failed, I feel so spent. All I feel is contempt from the one I love, a failed bonding only I am worthy of. Why can't I do anything right? Is there any hope for me on this Christmas Eve night? Wishing I could snap my fingers and make this pain go away, grief and uncertainty in my mind so heavily weigh. Are there any comforting words in that heart so scared and tired? Do any of the words I say or type leave you somewhat inspired? Fear is illusive, you can bury it, face it or let it run your life, use it as a excuse and live your days in strife. I can only speculate that this phase will soon end, my only optimism to come home again.