Speak
A smile crawls onto my face.
What a strange feeling to be happy.
I spot him within the crowded mass of zombies.
He flashes a smirk my way.
My cheeks flare a vibrant pink.
I can feel the warmth collecting.
Butterflies fly swiftly in the pit of my stomach.
The space between us becomes smaller,
as he walks toward me.
His sandy blonde hair making me swoon.
I feel his hands around my waist pulling me in.
What a strange feeling to be happy.
I feel his radiant smile beaming down on me.
His cheeks became a pale rose,
as I turned to face him.
He encases his hand in mine
as we walk down the hallway
How did I get so lucky?
A month goes by and everything changes.
The mood swings suddenly.
Why is this happening?
Every day is a battle,
everyday is one step closer,
to a small victory or a catastrophic defeat.
His mouth spews venom.
He pierces my already broken heart,
with a look of pure disgust.
There is no longer,
any compassion in his
dark eyes.
Was there ever any?
I space out thinking about what used to be.
“Babe”
I recoil at the names he used to call me.
I miss it.
I wish I didn’t,
but who am I kidding.
I should’ve never gotten involved.
But what happened?
What did I do?
He stopped talking to me,
and showing me affection
without warning.
I do not like this new modified version of myself.
I’m so confused all the time.
I could sleep forever.
Life’s supposed to be filled with rainbows.
Mine is filled with saturated gray skies.
My emotions are swirled inside my head,
knotted together like headphones in a pocket.
I shouldn’t feel this way, but I do.
You can’t make me feel what I need to feel.
Only he can.
This dark cloud needs to be lifted off my shoulders,
but with every breathe it becomes more cumbersome.
Isolation does not work.
I then have to manage my thoughts on my own.
That’s the most terrifying part.
My hands tremble when I walk towards him.
My knobby knees wobble wildly.
Deep breaths, you can do this.
He whispers,
but the sounds are magnified into my ears.
He is screeching,
I know it.
Every mindless drone in the dull hallway,
is looking at me now.
He is screeching,
I know it.
The voices inside my head roar telling me to stop making a scene.
I clutch my head inside my hands,
trying to get the madness to seize for a few moments.
I’ve failed, the voices continue their violent outcries.
The reverberation from the obnoxiously loud screams,
makes me lose my balance.
I crash against the brick wall,
losing the battle once more.
Copyright © Heather Nickels | Year Posted 2016
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