Sorry I Called
I’m getting flutters of anxiety like you never want to talk to me again
You used to give me butterflies
Now all I have is nausea.
Sorry I called.
Sorry I called ten times in a row
I hope you heard through the sobs how much I love you
I just wish you would tell me why I can’t be loved back.
You don’t have to reply.
Actually, please call me.
Sorry.
How am I supposed to stop apologizing so much when I feel like such a burden in your life?
How can I not feel ashamed of the lump in my throat that your voicemail summons?
How am I supposed to respond to you telling me to go away forever?
Sorry I called and screamed into your voicemail.
I wanted you to feel my angst.
Sorry I called again.
Please don’t feel worthless for "trying to blow sunshine up my ass".
If you were the colour yellow I would eat you.
It might make me feel better.
Anything would be better than how much I hurt.
And I know I leave claw marks down your back when we have sex,
But you leave scars on my heart whenever we talk.
You’re tearing me apart.
Sorry.
Sorry for sending this to you in the longest series of text messages known to man,
But I wanted to be sure you would see it.
Wanted to be sure you would know that I finally wrote about you.
That I finally felt you gave me something to write about.
Even if all you make me feel is hurt and shame, at least its something.
Right?
I’m sorry that I told you I would love you past 10,000 sunsets.
I mistakenly thought you would love me back.
That we would watch the rain together, and kiss.
But right now its raining and you’re nowhere to be found.
I’m so sorry.
Sorry I called you the first time.
I’m sorry I keep apologizing.
All I want is for you to love me.
Sorry.
Sorry.
Copyright © Alexis Olmstead | Year Posted 2014
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