Sometimes I Hate Myself

she hides with in herself a mystery to everyone not letting her guard down afraid of embarrassment afraid of too much she hides her face hides her smile hides everything earphones always in her ears I don't know why she loves to block out the world I don't know why shes so afraid I don't know why shes so ashamed shes in a new place with new people and after a month she has made a grand total of one friend why? why?! why is she so antisocial she doesn't want to be this way she prays for the confidence to be herself to let herself shine through the mask she constantly wears she wants to shine she wants to be free she hates everything that is holding her back she hates it so much she begins to hate herself all she wants is some friends people to turn to and rely on to help her get through the frightening new experience but she can not even manage to get the guts to say hi to someone she gets this overwhelming fear in the pit of her stomach and it eats away at her keeps her from socializing she wonders what is wrong with her she wonders what she can do to fix herself she cries at night because she's all alone she hates this part of herself so much