Sometimes I Hate Myself
she hides with in herself
a mystery to everyone
not letting her guard down
afraid of embarrassment
afraid of too much
she hides her face
hides her smile
hides everything
earphones always in her ears
I don't know why she loves to block out the world
I don't know why shes so afraid
I don't know why shes so ashamed
shes in a new place
with new people
and after a month
she has made a grand total of one friend
why?
why?!
why is she so antisocial
she doesn't want to be this way
she prays for the confidence
to be herself
to let herself shine through the mask she constantly wears
she wants to shine she wants to be free
she hates everything that is holding her back
she hates it so much she begins to hate herself
all she wants is some friends
people to turn to and rely on to help her get through the frightening new experience
but she can not even manage to get the guts to say hi to someone
she gets this overwhelming fear in the pit of her stomach
and it eats away at her
keeps her from socializing
she wonders what is wrong with her
she wonders what she can do to fix herself
she cries at night because she's all alone
she hates this part of herself
so much
Copyright © Chamonique Knowles | Year Posted 2010
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