So Much To Say

So Much To Say ”Here’s your oatmeal and blueberries for breakfast,” I said putting on a smile. She said, “Could you adjust my pillows? “Of course honey, “ I said, wondering how many more breakfasts I would bring to her before she died. She said “Will you make sure they feed the cats After I’m gone? They forget sometimes…” She shrugged. I said, “Of course. honey.” She said “My arm is lost somewhere beneath the blankets I can’t feel it.” “I know, honey,” I said retrieving her arm from obscurity. “And my leg feels as if it’s caught Like a fish in a net… Quivering” she said. “I know honey,’ I said, “Would you like me To move it over?” “Gently” she said “Very gently” I said, Moving her leg Across the quilted blanket Across the jagged edges Of my grief. I got there early there was so much to say— I said: “Have you been watching the birds at the feeder?” She said “I have…I love them…” Her voice drifting away; she didn’t say more She didn’t say “I will come back to you As a bluebird… and you’ll know it’s me.” We have so much to say… “Look how the sunlight Is lighting up your hair!” I said. “So pretty…” “I love you too,” she said Smiling, while her one hand drifted up To the place where clumps Of hair had fallen out. “Can I brush your hair?” I asked She nodded. I took up the brush And stroked her hair… Grace descending on us As if with invisible wings … “You know we will always talk honey, we will always talk.” I said, “I would go with you” I didn’t say. She nodded, closing her eyes, Surrendering... To the moment. There was so much to say, and there was nothing to say. I was yearning for words “The blueberries are so good,” she finally said And I nodded, my heart broken open As a thousand birds Flew out of the nest of my heart Into the sky above…. Without another word… Elizabeth Spring. July 31, 2023