'sleepless Nights'

I haven't been sleeping well in the past few nights Thinking about the wrongs that could have been rights I keep tossing and turning on my bed My pillows soaked in the tears I shed I just can't sleep in these long nights No matter how hard I try My mind keeps replaying stories Stories about how I couldn't fly. Let me tell you more, I have been getting nightmares, you know Nightmares, where I am stuck in four walls with no windows Nightmares that aren't really scary, but they are weird Unusual and bizarre kind of dreams Unable to reach my destiny Panting and gasping I can hear myself scream. Some nights, I get few of those nightmares Where I keep falling, with no visible end My guards are down, For my helpless self, I am not ready to defend Sometimes, I see myself stuck in a disaster and I keep crawling, to save myself and those I love I dream of storms and the trembles And the waves and also of crisis existential I wish I had some kind of a magical wand A wand which I could sway To cast a spell ; And make it all, go away. Yesterday, I woke up suddenly in the middle of the night Between life and death, it was one of those fights I felt my heart pounding I felt it in my shoulders and in my wrist In my neck and my eyes, a sensation, I tried to resist I felt my thoughts racing I don't know, towards or away from something What I recognized for sure Was this feeling of unease Restless mind, I wanted it to freeze. I wish I knew what these feelings meant I wish I could contemplate every story Hiding inside, untold and unexpressed Since, a long time, I have felt stable, I have been happy but clearly, There are deeper layers to be peeled There are emotional monsters and they need to be killed I need time maybe, To understand more To feel pain and emotions I seem to ignore There is no way I can enjoy the best, until I genuinely earn it all And , There is no way I can get rid of the worst till 'I experience it all.' -NK