Sixgun Sids Day In Court - Mildly Bawdy

[For the uninitiated or for the inebriated Or because I fear my story might be underrated I feel I should advise you using any fact that fits That Sixgun Sid has wooden legs and other wooden bits.] **** Sixgun Sid stood in the dock and swore he didn't know Why ladies didn’t like his wooden member down below He said, “Some things go hand in hand with rocking to and fro That’s how I left a splinter where a splinter shouldn't go “She dragged me in the shrubbery and took me there and then I thought she was euphoric when she squealed out loud but then… I had a smoothness problem as your witness has attested And so I grabbed some sandpaper… and got myself arrested “I’ll swear before this court she was all over me that day But then my wooden legs etcetera made her stop and say, ‘Why can’t you, like other cowboys, just shoot from the hip?’ But then she spent ten minutes pulling splinters from her lip.” The judge said, “I have heard enough, my judgement will be sound You shared your love, but also, she was putting it around I think that I should send you to the gallows with your lover But I’m concerned those gallows might turn out to be your brother.”