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Silver Lining of Hope

Talking about it just kills me inside
This feeling of wanting to simply hide
My pride is broken...
Words left unspoken...
I just want to get high, high, high
Got to strut my stuff - can’t deny
Low self-esteem - it’s haunting and taunting me once more
I express myself to the core...I am the one you adore...what for?
I just want to get drunk
Got to ***** my *****

I feel jacked up
I feel screwed up oh so inwardly
I just want to give up
Walking and talking awkwardly

Suppose I’m stupid...
Trying to get rid of you in my mind
I hid away my tears of shame
Inadequately not good enough
Insanity sexually abuses me
Empty with envy
Combat me with happiness aglee
Just set all of you and me free
I need an outlet for this regret
Somewhere in this rut
Somewhere in my gut

Lonesome as a log in the creek of no tomorrow
Shame embraces me, never leaving my presence...it’s barreling in my brain of sorrow
Worthless and remorseful - 
I doubt anyone will care about me anyway
I don’t know anymore and will wish away dismay
If only I can pray...
Away this disarray...
I resort to this distressful agitation when I’m freakin frustrated 
I resort to substance use because of my guilt...I’m faded...

Greatly sad over you...swimming in my misery pool
Then again, maybe not
Sick of the rue...so damn cruel, sick of being played as the fool...
Reverse me...hopping ocean to ocean just to be with you, my lonesome island of isolation...here, in my shell, I rot

Ripple effect of damaging old habits trump over me
Someday, I’ll be a successful bard of pure clarity
Embarrassed because of my intellect and being reject thereof
I’m looking forward to Love...my abominable sins I keep thinking of

Shame embraced me,
Never leaving my presence
Shame embraced me,
Leaving me feeling intense...tense...
Shame embraced me,
Never leaving my presence
Shame embraced me,
Leaving me feeling intense...tense...
Shame embraced me,
Never leaving my presence
Shame embraced me,
Leaving me emotionally dependent and letting go of it gives me deliverance and reverence...it’s a radiance beyond efflorescence...it’s an effulgent transformation and I’m camouflaging into creative vibes of my own...misunderstood empathetically...
Lamentation has spread its wings of flight with its undying might tonight

Positively negative in your arms of delight
I will fight the good fight without any fright
Hot and cold flashes sneak into my goosebumped skin
The shame inside is raping me with rue from deep down within

But, there’s a silver lining of hope and patience
Remember to accept it with wondrous graciousness
This guilt - that avarice vermin - overflows with jubilance
Flourish faithfully - engrained in loneliness

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