Silent Tears

A frantic, fearful lover. One who grows distant only to grow closer.. Not much attracts me and nothing clings me, for I do not open enough to feel what is real, so no matter what it will always feel veneer.. I will only expect the worst and never believe a word you say.. You never meant it, so I don't expect you to stay. If there's no expectations there's no risk, it's nothing but a prolonged fling, you don't love me, I'm not that good to be loved, she's better you run to her. I don't know affection I don't understand that it doesn't channel correctly from my mind to my heart.. But my stare, my step backward, my cold shutter brought on by your affection, that strange at random sadness .. Attitude ignoring of your texts, phone calls.. That's my love at it's finest at its peak, at your drifting away your falling into the arms of another girls laugh her smile her jokes and humor, that's crumbling of the wall and the rebirth to a fortress twice as cold twice as distant twice as un-affectionate .. The loss of love births a new girl not a bitter one.. but just a different one.. An  unforgiving one.. afraid to move forward but to abandoned to walk in the opposite direction.. So she's left standing, still, head down arms to the side.. Silent tears, transparent outstretched hands, slow beating heart..  Empty eyes