Signs of I

I feel like an Episcopal priest before losing his faith,  a traffic accident thrown in his face, renouncing  my faith even though my younger brother believes  I'm more than just a human being, I'm sort of a saint  without ever stepping a foot on a field, but why  does he still look up to me and all my bad habits?  Playing ballads against an empty glass of hope  thinking how mysterious this world really is  as crop circles engulf our minds with the  possibilities, but I guess happiness is a hoax  as I stare out this bedroom window laughing  at nightmares just to let the world know how  brave I am to peak out my once dry sheets  and stare out the window at the creepy silhouette  standing alone undearneath the midnight stars,  but don't be alarmed, I am not scared of a soul trying  to intrude on my ego, like if I am somehow exempt  from the rumors of mortality. I feel the footsteps  of strangers walking around in the shadows hiding  while dogs bark curiously at phantom noises coming  from the same place I just pointed my finger at.  Maybe it's a sign that we are not alone on this earth  or maybe it's a sign that nothing is furthur from  the actual truth. Boarding up windows makes me  feel safe but not invinsible on some rainy nights  when my newfound fright gets the best of me.  No matter where I hide, attic or basement, i'ts all  the same, I still yearn for my inhaler feeling like  a hostage ready to give my final words to the world  before I pass away into the toxic realm of SET,  swinging away into pity's arms, I'm acid to my own  self , toxin in my bloodstream. Listening to  beautiful sounds in the background as I begin to  tap on empty water glasses just to feel sane  before the asthma attacks my lungs and I loose  control as sounds begin to exchange questions  with my sanity. The sound of strings all around me  and I'm beginning to understand each note, the  reason why tonight on the bay of regret I float.