Should the Levee Ever Break, Act 1, Scene 1, Part 1

The authors and their associates wish to offer an enthusiastic round of applause to The Bywater Bone Boys Social Aid and Pleasure Club for their gracious hospitality and inspirational charm. Welcome gentle enthusiasts of theatrical illusions and histrionic fantasias. We of the acting company, including principals, chorus, stage crew and assorted hangers-on, take delight in your presence during our current stand under arms. As it is commonly accepted in the developed world that all sophisticated theatergoers embrace an inherent desire to remain consistent with the norms of congenial social behavior when sitting beneath the unblinking eye of public scrutiny, management requests that you please observe a few sensible restrictions while enjoying today’s feature presentation. Restrictions, being defined as the limitation or control of someone or something, or the state of being limited or restricted, as determined by municipal ordinance and local custom, shall remain in effect throughout the duration of the entire performance. Special-needs patrons will be accommodated according to modifications set forth in appropriate documentation that carries the force of law. Non-compliance will not be tolerated. There will be one fifteen-minute intermission during which relevant stakeholders will receive formative evaluation rubrics to document the results of item analysis. Only flash-less photography is permitted. You must remain at least partially clothed at all times during the performance. No bullying will be tolerated, and you do not need to ask for permission to go to the bathroom. Now cross your knees and avert your eyes. The show is about to begin. Laissez le bon temp rouler!