She
She
She is scared. You can tell by her features. It's in her eyes. A darkness there she can't disguise.
A feeling or sense of ominous terror. Only showing through because of error.
The heart begins to race so hard you can see it banging through her shirt. A slight tone of desperation hidden in her words.
The mood of the room changes as she enters, though no one pays her much mind. She speaks, but no one likes what she says. It is the truth, but the truth makes others feel sad. So they walk away and she is alone again.
She won't change though, not for anyone. She is stubborn, telling herself others should just accept her as she is, refusing to look at herself, or how she's hurt others.
" They should just know.." " They should just love.." " They should just..I shouldn't have to..shouldn't have to."
Her clothes are plain, she wears no makeup, her hair is limp and thin. Her posture is curved, through no fault of her own, but is judged anyway. She begins to believe she is "no good" and "worthless" and "talent less"
She loses her passion and a life without passion has no direction, no direction makes life a chore. A chore that makes her not want life anymore, but even death doesn't want her, she's tried death before.
Smart of mind, heart, and soul, yet no one looks past her melancholy decor. She loses friends, (if they were friends before.) She calls out for help, but no one cares.
She pushes on and does her best, yet is always behind the rest.
She tries to imagine a future, but her mind goes blank. She makes lots of plans that she just can't keep. She doesn't feel like she fits in this world. The world seems all wrong to her and on top of that, she feels powerless to help the world change.
So she tries to adjust and live with the world, but it's just not working out. Haunted by painful memories she seeks out help. She goes to many Dr.'s who all say she's insane, They label her and drug her and send her on her way.
What she needs is love and understanding. Control over herself and a sense of belonging.
"Where can i get that?" she wonders and thinks, but nothing comes to her, so she admits defeat.
Despite all this, she's still here.
She's alive and still going and not giving up yet. She will try til she dies to keep looking for it.
Copyright © Alycia Wheatley | Year Posted 2018
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