Set Me Free

When will it stop, I often sit and wonder This pain I have inside, shaking my soul like thunder. To figure it out, I must dig deep down inside And unmask the secret that I have tried so hard to hide. Why did it start, oh so many years ago? When was the first time…frankly, I just don’t know? But what I do know is how it makes me feel. Just the simple thought of it makes me feel quite ill. I remember the touch…the smell…the pain, I remember the tears that flowed like rain. I remember the sound when he said, “this want hurt”. I remember afterwards, I always felt like dirt. Why did God make such a cruel, cruel world? That would allow for such pain to a six-year old girl. I remember six, but it could have started even before. Either way, age was just a number that he chose to ignore. I could never concentrate I couldn’t breathe easy And as soon as I saw him I began to feel queasy. I tried to act normal and regain my composure, Cause the last thing our secret needed was any type exposure. Feeling desperate and alone, I became an introvert Withdrawing deep inside myself to avoid the constant hurt. I carried this awful burden like a tremendous weight Dragging me down into a sea of despair and self hate. Finally it happened, a week went by, then two, then three! He hadn’t come around and I was as happy as I could be Then one day he came back and told me he had a girlfriend And as quickly as it had started the sexual abuse came to and end. I thought it was over and that my life would finally be good But there was so much about abuse that I had never understood The nightmares didn’t stop, nor did the feeling of sheer guilt The panic was still there and so were the walls that I’d built. For thirty years I kept this inside and tried not to let it show. I never told another living soul, for no one could ever know. Then God sent me an Angel in the form of a true friend Who convinced me that this wrong I felt was certainly not my sin. I had done nothing wrong, I had no reason to be ashamed. He was the one who committed the crime and only he should be blamed He helped me to understand that I am a sheep in God’s foal My heart is still pure and the Lord will heal my soul. I’ve asked God to guide me and show me His way And I look to him for strength each and every day. Now I am moving forward, putting the past behind me And I thank God for His mercy, and may he continue to set me free.