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When will it stop, I often sit and wonder
This pain I have inside, shaking my soul like thunder.
To figure it out, I must dig deep down inside
And unmask the secret that I have tried so hard to hide.

Why did it start, oh so many years ago?
When was the first time…frankly, I just don’t know?
But what I do know is how it makes me feel.
Just the simple thought of it makes me feel quite ill.

I remember the touch…the smell…the pain,
I remember the tears that flowed like rain.
I remember the sound when he said, “this want hurt”.
I remember afterwards, I always felt like dirt.

Why did God make such a cruel, cruel world?
That would allow for such pain to a six-year old girl.
I remember six, but it could have started even before.
Either way, age was just a number that he chose to ignore.

I could never concentrate I couldn’t breathe easy
And as soon as I saw him I began to feel queasy.
I tried to act normal and regain my composure,
Cause the last thing our secret needed was any type exposure.

Feeling desperate and alone, I became an introvert
Withdrawing deep inside myself to avoid the constant hurt.
I carried this awful burden like a tremendous weight
Dragging me down into a sea of despair and self hate.

Finally it happened, a week went by, then two, then three!
He hadn’t come around and I was as happy as I could be
Then one day he came back and told me he had a girlfriend
And as quickly as it had started the sexual abuse came to and end.

I thought it was over and that my life would finally be good
But there was so much about abuse that I had never understood
The nightmares didn’t stop, nor did the feeling of sheer guilt
The panic was still there and so were the walls that I’d built.

For thirty years I kept this inside and tried not to let it show.
I never told another living soul, for no one could ever know.
Then God sent me an Angel in the form of a true friend
Who convinced me that this wrong I felt was certainly not my sin.

I had done nothing wrong, I had no reason to be ashamed.
He was the one who committed the crime and only he should be blamed
He helped me to understand that I am a sheep in God’s foal
My heart is still pure and the Lord will heal my soul.

I’ve asked God to guide me and show me His way
And I look to him for strength each and every day.
Now I am moving forward, putting the past behind me
And I thank God for His mercy, and may he continue to set me free.
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