Serious Time

I haven't filled my serious quota. I have been having lots of fun. I have been spending the afternoon in food that helped my sides balloon. and jokes that kept on coming fast they made me hurt from all the laughs I should be quiet now, because the patterns of my childhood past instil me to be careful now protect the status quo from over flow those risky people, in their joy embracing all their toys Normally I am safe, because I limit all the joy to once a day, and once at night but if I do go over this I feel the guilt, that pain I saw, the screams endure me to my bed from mother crying through the day and father shouting in dismay So now I carry all this weight, from years beyond, towards the end until the fun is squeezed and love is but a moments feast. If i was someone else, perhaps I'd tell myself "forget yourself, and be anew" but I am scared I'll hurt someone if always having fun.