Self Inflicted Realization

I feel shadowed by past personal failures Those that eat away at hopes and dreams Finding myself struggling in between A bottomless pit and the next hand hole Either I''ll sink out of view Or climb up onto a new high At fault for past actions Living with a constant plague of what if''s This or that Surely would have brought forth A more sane version of such an insane mind Dwelling in a material creation of God Good intentions slipped through my fingers As I failed my maternal and paternal figures In their eyes all hope was lost Thus mine dwindles in and out of perception Once dreams seemed close enough to touch Almost able to become reality As a failure now I notice Less than few believe in me