Self Crucifixion

I am the coward, too afraid to fight, To stand up, and change the world. My motivation Is pathetic. I am an 8 year old boy just wanting love, And changing the world is most loved. I sit in my chair in the back yard, Smoking cigars, and thinking, Thinking that I am smart, Thinking up ways to hurt people Passively: with words Believing its good for them, Breaking them open, crushing their worldviews, Is fun to me, it makes me feel powerful, Too lazy to be more than average, Masturbating instead of meditating, Fantasizing about things I do not want, A dreamer with no focus, Too ADHD or lazy to complete any art, Time passing, too afraid of my purpose, Too afraid of rich people: condescending, Too cowardly to take the microphone and make myself heard Using the mask of power: aloof, hiding, mysterious: alone. Behind the mask, just a small boy: a beautiful shy boy. Big Crystal eyes that change colors: A heart too large. Trying so hard to hide this little light behind the bush. The zombies are attracted to the light! A boy with a gun: haphazard, dangerous: too much power. Shoot them in the knee: prevent them from voting or judging! The boy needs a teacher, a parent: Stuck, confused. The trees and the moon are my friends, they always love me. But it doesn’t suffice, it is too soft: aching, needing real love. God is there: his love is ecstasy, but it’s too intense: in-comprehendible. Please water it down, and give it to me in the form of a beautiful mate, Or an audience : Either will suffice. I just want to do what is right and good but no longer know what is good or evil.