Scared of My Last Goodnight

Theres only so many words in a day, To tell you how I feel, I wish I could capture the sand of time - for precious seconds to steal, I’m facing my own morality, I know my death is near, Its a feeling that I can’t escape, Contrived of grief and fear, All the things I should of done, The amount of time I’ve wasted, So many years of hiding myself, When I should of been running naked, My stubborn tongue and foolish mind, Have cost me so so dear, All those wasted moments, Seem so petty - lying here, Take my eyes, Forgo my cries and feel my fear of dying, For it asks of me the same as you, - How hard have we been trying ? I don’t want to die, I’m scared of goodbye, I’ve no time to find my peace, I need so much more time than this, To forgive myself at least, I never realised how lucky I was, I’ve abused the time I was given, The thoughts I ignored that scream at me now, If only I had listened, They say I’ve days, Maybe a week, My body’s lost it’s fight, I’m scared to go to sleep in case it is my last goodnight, Write a letter, Leave a note, That’s what somebody said, Immortalise my final words, To be cherished when I’m dead, But that’s the point that no one sees, I don’t care what I leave behind, Life carries on regardless of the pain that people find, I need to stay another day, Then another day there after, I need to feel more love and hate, More cries and tears off laughter I have to see the sunset and take a final dip in the sea, See the truth of all I’ll be missing, Please just let me be, How can I say goodbye to you all, When I’m so not ready to leave, Clinging to hope as I’m laying here, Wishing for my reprieve, If there is a god or mighty power, I beg of you exemption, I’ll change my ways forever more, If you grant me my redemption.