Scared of My Last Goodnight

Theres only so many words in a day,
To tell you how I feel,
I wish I could capture the sand of time -
     for precious seconds to steal,
I’m facing my own morality,
I know my death is near,
Its a feeling that I can’t escape,
Contrived of grief and fear,
All the things I should of done,
The amount of time I’ve wasted,
So many years of hiding myself,
When I should of been running naked,
My stubborn tongue and foolish mind,
Have cost me so so dear,
All those wasted moments,
Seem so petty - lying here,
Take my eyes,
Forgo my cries and feel my fear of dying,
For it asks of me the same as you,
- How hard have we been trying ?
I don’t want to die,
I’m scared of goodbye,
I’ve no time to find my peace,
I need so much more time than this,
To forgive myself at least,
I never realised how lucky I was,
I’ve abused the time I was given,
The thoughts I ignored that scream at me now,
If only I had listened,
They say I’ve days,
Maybe a week,
My body’s lost it’s fight,
I’m scared to go to sleep in case it is my last goodnight,
Write a letter,
Leave a note, 
That’s what somebody said,
Immortalise my final words,
To be cherished when I’m dead,
But that’s the point that no one sees,
I don’t care what I leave behind,
Life carries on regardless of the pain that people find,
I need to stay another day,
Then another day there after,
I need to feel more love and hate,
More cries and tears off laughter
I have to see the sunset and take a final dip in the sea,
See the truth of all I’ll be missing,
Please just let me be,
How can I say goodbye to you all,
When I’m so not ready to leave,
Clinging to hope as I’m laying here,
Wishing for my reprieve,
If there is a god or mighty power,
I beg of you exemption, 
I’ll change my ways forever more,
If you grant me my redemption.

Copyright © | Year Posted 2019



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