Scared

I run the glass down my arm
But I'm afraid of the pain
as if it will be worse
then the pain that wracks my heart
I look to my gun
I check there's a bullet in the chamber
and I unload it
Remembering the patient
in the nursing home
I take care of
that tried to end his pain
that way.
I slam gifts from you to the ground, 
shattering them
Into tiny pieces
just like the broken pieces of my heart.
I wish I had the courage just to end it all
there is nothing left in this world for me
I'm done.
But I'm too scared to end it all
so I'm just stuck in this
 life, without love
and alone.
Shaking and scared,
hurting so bad it feels like my soul
is being ripped from me
God forsook me
and left me to face this alone
So it doesn't surprise me
that he would rip my soul from me.
All I can do is plod along and just hope
that I'll eventually die
and just dissipate into the wind.
Copyright © | Year Posted 2019

Poem

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